Recently I did a park run. It is a 5km run that is administered by volunteers. It is a nice little run to keep you fit if that is what you are looking for. It can also be a great motivational run if you want to push yourself harder. For me, 5km is a distance that I am happy to run hard. Along the running course, there are a lot of motivational messages written in chalk. Messages like You can do this, just a little more. Don’t give up. I enjoyed reading the messages and found them useful. I felt like I wasn’t running alone.
My feelings are completely different when I compare these messages to a situation where I was struggling in the heat during a full marathon. I was running in a marathon that was mentally gruelling. Normally in a marathon, I would run in a long straight line, make a u-turn and then do it again. But in this race I was running around and around a course of only 5 kilometres, I was dodging past slow runners and avoiding the fast runners that were overtaking me. I was tired and decided to walk part of the run. It was at this stage that people were saying Don’t give up, You can do this, Keep running.
I am not an elite runner, and definitely not a fast runner at the 42km marathon pace. I understand that these people only want to encourage me, but I just needed a rest because things were getting a bit tough, and I pushed myself a little too hard at the start. If someone could give me a pat on the back and say, You are doing well, take it easy, walk for a bit, have a stretch and a drink, and start running and finish the race, it would be much more helpful. I didn’t want positivity, I wanted understanding.
I think most people will understand from my experiences that this relates well to the experiences we are having in life. If we lose a little motivation, or feeling a little under the weather, positive words can help us get things done. They can motivate us and support us, but when things are serious and really hard, they don’t really help. During these times, we need understanding. We need empathy, and someone to understand how tough things are. I guess we really just need someone to listen to us.
If someone has a serious illness, living in grief, feeling homesick or having trouble with the high cost of living, encouraging words may not help at all. Whenever your friend is having a hard time, talk to them don’t just give them an encouraging online post. They may need something more. They may need understanding, not positivity.
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