Nobody wants to make mistakes, but it is also well known that we can learn from our mistakes. For many people this is unacceptable and therefore many people strive for perfection. It is always good to do whatever you do well, but we really should not feel bad if that can’t be done.
This is linked to the topic of last week, shame. For many people, not achieving the results that they wished for can trigger episodes of anxiety and depression and therefore need to be kept in check.
I recently watched an interview with a well-known author. This lady does a lot of public speaking in front of large audiences, and she was asked the common question, “Do you ever get nervous before a presentation? She surprisingly said no. I have heard many famous people who are super confident and are asked the same question before they do a show or an interview. Many of them say that they pace around frantically and are very open about being nervous.
This made me ask myself the question, “How could I get myself into a state of mind where I wouldn’t be nervous in that kind of a situation?” I would have to be very confident in what I do, be accepting that I will make mistakes and not be a perfectionist.
It is not quite as simple as that though. There are two different types of perfectionism. Positive and negative perfectionism. Positive perfectionism can be a good thing. It can help to maintain high standards in work and study. It can improve work engagement and also well-being and not become an emotional burden. Whereas negative perfectionism has the opposite effect on well-being and work engagement.
The key here is not to set the bar too high. When we are striving for goals that may be out of our reach, negative perfectionism can rear its ugly head. Setting realistic goals and being motivated to achieve them through positive enforcement can help us to use perfectionism in a positive way. We also need to understand our limits and not stress of course when things don’t go as planned.
Not stressing about mistakes is easier said than done. Make sure that you speak to someone you trust, they may help you to get over your issues before they get out of hand.
storysolutionstherapy@gmail.com
https://www.facebook.com/CounsellorTrent/
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2212567115005225
